Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
