We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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