I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
