$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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