It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
