it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
