I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
