Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
