Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
