So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
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I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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