You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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