I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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