all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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