i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
