mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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