I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
