We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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