Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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