Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize