god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
