Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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