After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
