The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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