He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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