At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
