Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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