I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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