you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
