hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
