Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
