So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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