I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
