thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize