You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
