The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
