we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
