i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
