No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
