Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize