that's an acceptable place to lick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
