my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
