4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
