i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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