Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
