awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
