LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
