So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
