Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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