I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
