my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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