I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?