I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
how drunk are you?
Several
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
