i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
