her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
