woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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