I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
