Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
