I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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