Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Your dad touched me again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
