She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
