is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements