That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!