Texts From Last Night

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  (956): View more from Texas

  Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.

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  (956): Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em. http://tfl.nu/08u2
  Replies (74) Good night (3930) Bad night (949)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.

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  (905): Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee. http://tfl.nu/8vei
  Replies (13) Good night (1041) Bad night (3769)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (13) Good night (1526) Bad night (3341)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (9165) Bad night (1583)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.

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  (973): They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos. http://tfl.nu/2qr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3095) Bad night (1091)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

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  (+44): That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal. http://tfl.nu/r9bl
  Replies (6) Good night (2822) Bad night (954)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.

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  (603): A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you. http://tfl.nu/2hjp
  Replies (4) Good night (2780) Bad night (726)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?

  (289): View more from Ontario

  You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.

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  (519): Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia? (289): You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname. http://tfl.nu/fwap
  Replies (7) Good night (1587) Bad night (2874)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

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  (404): You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control. http://tfl.nu/g1ps
  Replies (9) Good night (1799) Bad night (2609)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out

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  (407): More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out http://tfl.nu/4y5s
  Replies (4) Good night (608) Bad night (1021)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.

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  (443): Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/0m7p
  Replies (2) Good night (1023) Bad night (528)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final

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  (423): My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final http://tfl.nu/c4wx
  Replies (6) Good night (1977) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.

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  (903): I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot. http://tfl.nu/592z
  Replies (7) Good night (732) Bad night (348)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?

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  (512): I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out? http://tfl.nu/fchk
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (487)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm home now if you wanna come over.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.

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  (785): I'm home now if you wanna come over. (913): Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there. http://tfl.nu/5bkq
  Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (302)

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