He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.