Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet

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  (646): it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet http://tfl.nu/1rea
  Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (879)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Girl's gotta have her standards.

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  (780): Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years. (1-780): Girl's gotta have her standards. http://tfl.nu/3849
  Replies (7) Good night (1225) Bad night (1965)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My Vagina smells like Nemo again.

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  (651): My Vagina smells like Nemo again. http://tfl.nu/j13v
  Replies (29) Good night (646) Bad night (5284)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (262) Good night (20686) Bad night (2203)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class

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  (913): girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class http://tfl.nu/grnd
  Replies (20) Good night (6498) Bad night (869)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?

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  (724): dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....? http://tfl.nu/b2i2
  Replies (22) Good night (1120) Bad night (10852)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (9084) Bad night (1494)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.

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  (613): Will you be topless? That will affect my answer. http://tfl.nu/lf7u
  Replies (19) Good night (6240) Bad night (1078)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..

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  (401): He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity.. http://tfl.nu/e3ua
  Replies (16) Good night (2238) Bad night (4869)
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  (562): View more from California

  I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset

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  (562): I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset http://tfl.nu/nrla
  Replies (6) Good night (3229) Bad night (1264)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

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  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (2487) Bad night (956)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?

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  (732): This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with? http://tfl.nu/hn5g
  Replies (4) Good night (892) Bad night (379)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.

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  (413): He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex. http://tfl.nu/az8i
  Replies (1) Good night (376) Bad night (673)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it

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  (571): My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it http://tfl.nu/xr2p
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (573)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...

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  (603): I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked... http://tfl.nu/22n2
  Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (738)

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