So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
