Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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